My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Houston, we have a blender
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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