So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
