How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
