Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think my mom watched the whole time
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
