it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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