I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
