Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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