So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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