Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize