omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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