So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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