i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
