yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
