My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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