spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
