I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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