oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
