just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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