I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I died a long time ago.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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