Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
