im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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