never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
