the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
