I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize