Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
