It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
