I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
