trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
