I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
