I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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