He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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