Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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