i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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