i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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