do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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