he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize