Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
