Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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