You're my little dorito
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
