Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
