Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
