its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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