let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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