I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
