Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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