Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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