just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
