we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
