It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
