i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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