we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
