My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
