if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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