God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
