Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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