Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
