they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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