I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
