Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
