Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
