but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
