Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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