Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish I only lived at night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
