my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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