the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
