you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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