put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
