I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
