woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
