No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I understand Curling. That high.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
