Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
