dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
