She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
