I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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