i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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