is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
