So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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