Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so explain again why im purple
no
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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