She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
