the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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