i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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