The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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