Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
