I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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