After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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