im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
