Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
