I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
