So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
