I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
