Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
